yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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