I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize