I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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