my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
