I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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