So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
