ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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