I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
