it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
