I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
