My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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