I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
