I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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