whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Houston, we have a squirter
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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