And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
