Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
