Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
