The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
