I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
