i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
