I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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