take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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