Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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