He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
