I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize