Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
