Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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