come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
