I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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