I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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