His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
