I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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