his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
