dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
