I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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