She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
