Where is the hickey?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
