You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize