Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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