and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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