First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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