I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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