walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
