i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
