I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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