No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
