You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
