like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize