Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
