She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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