nut hugger
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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