i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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