I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
