You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
