I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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