I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
