guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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