I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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