Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
