I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
