He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
