I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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