My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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