The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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