how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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