with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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