i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
