Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
