I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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