I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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