My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
