dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
