sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
