Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize