i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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