Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
