then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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