the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize