Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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