The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
