May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
