she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
