Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
