youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
