Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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