ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
