You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
