i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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