Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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