def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
