I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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