i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
