Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
