I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
