I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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