my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
