Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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