i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
