no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
God, I missed his penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
