he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
