yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize